Breaking Up is Hard to Do

All good relationships have to come to an end. I know this is for the best, but I thought we had another five to 10 years to go before things fell apart.

I remember how one word came into my head when we first met – hot. I was unsure at first, but eventually managed to learn how to live with the good and the bad.

Like a lot of heartbreak, the end came suddenly. I wanted to try and drag things out, but I knew it would only cause me pain in the end. I had to make a horrible decision.

I needed to break up with Buffalo wings.

I had a good 23-year run with the spicy little buggers, but the time has come to call it quits. But like all good addictions, I can’t just completely quit. The time has come to be more careful with which wings I choose.

I didn’t come to this realization until a few weeks ago. I wanted to watch an important soccer game, so I cooked up a plate of wings right before kickoff. I sat down with my dinner and a beer and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Well, that is until I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweaty panic. I felt awful. I honestly Googled “heart attack symptoms” because I had no idea what was going on. Luckily, I knew that wasn’t the case even though I matched a few of the symptoms.

The pain came from my stomach. After a while of contemplating whether I needed to take the next day off to figure out what was wrong, I had a funny feeling that my body reacted like this once before.

We visited Maria’s Mom’s one Sunday a few months ago. Just as we sat down to eat, I felt a horrible rush come over my body. I ended up having to lay down for much of the afternoon and chalked it up to too much beer and caffeine and not enough sleep.

But when I had this latest reaction, I went online to see the messages I had sent to friends from that first time. Sure enough, I had eaten wings the night before, and they were from the same bag.

That is why I have such a hard time making this decision. Maybe it was just this one brand. But I know that another brand caused me some problems, although not as bad, a few years ago.

So maybe it’s just store-bought frozen wings. I have used bottled wing sauce to spice up things I cook myself. Maybe if I just stick with that or freshly cooked ones, I won’t lose any more sleep.

We’ll see. Every time I think I want to just cut this relationship off, I think of all the good times I had eating wings in college. I will never forget the first time I saw wings soaking in sauce in a bucket from the Downtown Trolley restaurant back in college.

It was love at first sight. I just wish it hadn’t turned into an abusive relationship that I needed to end.

Author

brian

Comments (2)

  1. Dave Lifton
    September 28, 2009

    Won’t someone think of the children!

  2. brian
    September 28, 2009

    I have relinquished my parental rights to the celery, but we will share custody of the blue cheese.

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