Breaking Up is Hard to Do
All good relationships have to come to an end. I know this is for the best, but I thought we had another five to 10 years to go before things fell apart.
I remember how one word came into my head when we first met – hot. I was unsure at first, but eventually managed to learn how to live with the good and the bad.
Like a lot of heartbreak, the end came suddenly. I wanted to try and drag things out, but I knew it would only cause me pain in the end. I had to make a horrible decision.
I needed to break up with Buffalo wings.
I had a good 23-year run with the spicy little buggers, but the time has come to call it quits. But like all good addictions, I can’t just completely quit. The time has come to be more careful with which wings I choose.
I didn’t come to this realization until a few weeks ago. I wanted to watch an important soccer game, so I cooked up a plate of wings right before kickoff. I sat down with my dinner and a beer and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Well, that is until I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweaty panic. I felt awful. I honestly Googled “heart attack symptoms” because I had no idea what was going on. Luckily, I knew that wasn’t the case even though I matched a few of the symptoms.
The pain came from my stomach. After a while of contemplating whether I needed to take the next day off to figure out what was wrong, I had a funny feeling that my body reacted like this once before.
We visited Maria’s Mom’s one Sunday a few months ago. Just as we sat down to eat, I felt a horrible rush come over my body. I ended up having to lay down for much of the afternoon and chalked it up to too much beer and caffeine and not enough sleep.
But when I had this latest reaction, I went online to see the messages I had sent to friends from that first time. Sure enough, I had eaten wings the night before, and they were from the same bag.
That is why I have such a hard time making this decision. Maybe it was just this one brand. But I know that another brand caused me some problems, although not as bad, a few years ago.
So maybe it’s just store-bought frozen wings. I have used bottled wing sauce to spice up things I cook myself. Maybe if I just stick with that or freshly cooked ones, I won’t lose any more sleep.
We’ll see. Every time I think I want to just cut this relationship off, I think of all the good times I had eating wings in college. I will never forget the first time I saw wings soaking in sauce in a bucket from the Downtown Trolley restaurant back in college.
It was love at first sight. I just wish it hadn’t turned into an abusive relationship that I needed to end.
Dave Lifton
September 28, 2009Won’t someone think of the children!
brian
September 28, 2009I have relinquished my parental rights to the celery, but we will share custody of the blue cheese.