We went to a party at a friend’s house a couple of weeks ago. They used to be teachers, and they continue to throw an “End of the School Year” cookout. The party coincides with their oldest child’s ninth birthday. The day after the cookout, they were taking him out for a special birthday dinner.

He got to choose anything he wanted. When I was 9, I would have wanted pizza. Or hamburgers. Or pizza and hamburgers.

He chose sushi.

I had to wrap my mind around the concept of a 9-year-old even being exposed to sushi much less choosing it for a special birthday dinner.

What is happening to this country? Children don’t like sushi. Children don’t know sushi.

Children eat pizza or hamburgers on their birthday. Sushi is completely un-American.

Just like all these new soft drinks I keep seeing advertised. How many versions of Coke or Pepsi do we need? Before you have a chance to even think about it, I’ll tell you the correct answer.

Three of each.

You need regular, diet and cherry. That’s the list.

If regular has too many calories, drink diet. If you don’t like the taste of diet, drink regular. If you want extra flavor, drink cherry.

If you don’t like any of those options, drink water. Why do we need Coke Zero and C2 and Pepsi Edge and Pepsi One?

And why, in God’s name, do we need sodas that come with a twist of lemon or lime? Buy a regular soda and some fruit if you want to add something so badly.

I know that, as Americans, we have an inalienable right to have way too many choices, but this is getting a little out of hand. In fact, I think having to examine the soda case in a convenience store just so you don’t grab the wrong thing is completely un-American.

Just like too many movie remakes and “reinventions.” Does anyone have an original thought anymore?

One of these days, they’re going to do the remake before they do the original.

I don’t know why I have accepted this practice for so long. I guess the thing that really set me off was the news that Molly Ringwald has expressed interest in doing a follow-up to “16 Candles.”

That’s not just un-American. That’s blasphemy.

I don’t know if Molly has been smoking some funny cigarettes or just needs to make a car payment, but you don’t mess with a classic.

Maybe some people in Hollywood feel left out because everything else is coming back into style. They want their piece of the pie. If “Bewitched” and “Dukes of Hazzard” can hit the big screen, surely “16 Candles” can make a comeback, right?

I hope not. Molly and the other people who will decide about this project should try and stand out from the crowd by leaving a classic untouched.

Don’t let us know if Samantha and Jake stayed together. Don’t let us know if Farmer Ted became cool. Don’t let us know if Long Duk Dong was deported.

America wants it that way. Trust me.