We need the greatest minds in America to step up. A great public injustice can be solved using the same kind of forward thinking that put a man on the moon, developed digital cable and made supersizing possible. We don’t have enough gas grills with coolers attached.

I had the same reaction you probably just had. Shock, disappointment, hunger.

Men walk this earth with very few reasons for existing. Cooking meat over an open fire is one of them.

This is grueling work. While grilling steaks, shrimp or chicken, our minds could wander to something important, like that one part of the South Park movie where the kids keep asking if there will be punch and pie at the resistance meeting.

I love that part. Now, where was I?

Yeah, grilling. This can take a lot out of a guy and we all know that staying hydrated is very important. Grill manufacturers haven’t completely caught onto this.

Theoretically, I could walk into the kitchen and get a beer or a soda or some water if I got parched.

But have we really evolved so we can walk to another room for a drink when we get thirsty?

We need convenience. We need luxury. We need to remain standing still so that we won’t lose our train of thought and burn the meat.

This is not an unrealistic request. The people who make grills have done wonderful things over the years. You can now buy almost any size grill with an extra burner to keep things warm.

But what about when we want something cold? To be honest, I’m surprised this kind of dilemma hasn’t sparked wide-scale riots across the country.

Shouldn’t Congress get involved at some point? This is a matter of national importance. Who cares about federal judges when the men of this great country have to walk inside to get a beer or soda?

Does someone have to die halfway to the refrigerator for people to take notice?

The fine people at Cal Spas have developed a spectacular line of grilling islands, many of which include a refrigerator. But I need something more mobile, something more convenient, something that won’t cause my wife to consider leaving me.

I actually did find one portable grill that included a cooler, but this thing took up the entire bottom half of the grill and really looked awkward.

We need to get those scientists into the lab to find a way to install a small cooler on the side of a grill. I only want room for a few drinks.

Sure, I could use a small bottle opener installed on the front, but that’s not a deal breaker. Luckily, the scientists have mastered the technology that combines a keychain with a bottle opener.

That’s the kind of genius we need to recapture.

This country was founded upon the dual principle of liberty and justice. We have given the world combinations like peanut butter and jelly. Why can’t we have warm meat and cold beer together?

A nation weeps.